pls do not mock draft, is serious business

Without a single exception, each of the thousands of mock drafts put out by pundits, fans and Todd McShay each year is an account of one of the ways in which the first round of the NFL Draft is certain not to unfold. Here's mine.

1. Detroit - Matthew Stafford, QB, Georgia
2. St. Louis - Jason Smith, OT, Baylor
3. Kansas City - Aaron Curry, LB, Wake Forest
4. Seattle - Matt Sanchez, QB, USC
5. Cleveland - Michael Crabtree, WR, Texas Tech
6. Cincinnati - Eugene Monroe, OT, Virginia
7. Oakland - Jeremy Maclin, WR, Missouri
8. Jacksonville - Andre Smith, OT, Alabama
9. Green Bay - Tyson Jackson, DE, LSU
10. San Francisco - Brian Orakpo, LB, Texas
11. Buffalo - Michael Oher, OT, Mississippi
12. Denver - BJ Raji, DT, Boston College
13. Washington - Aaron Maybin, DE, Washington
14. New Orleans - Chris Wells, RB, Ohio State
15. Tampa Bay (from Houston) - Josh Freeman, QB, Kansas State
16. San Diego - Brian Cushing, LB, USC
17. New York Jets - Darrius Heyward-Bey, WR, Maryland
18. Denver - Rey Maualuga, LB, USC
19. Houston (from Tampa Bay) - Clay Matthews, LB, USC
20. Detroit - Eben Britton, OT, Arizona
21. Philadelphia - Knowshon Moreno, RB, Georgia
22. Minnesota - Percy Harvin, WR, Florida
23. New England - Malcolm Jenkins, CB, Ohio State
24. Atlanta - Peria Jerry, DT, Mississippi
25. Miami - Everette Brown, LB, Florida State
26. Baltimore - Brandon Pettigrew, TE, Oklahoma State
27. Indianapolis - Evander Hood, DT, Missouri
28. Buffalo - Robert Ayers, DE, Tennessee
29. New York Giants - Hakeem Nicks, WR, North Carolina
30. Tennessee - Vontae Davis, CB, Illinois
31. Arizona - Donald Brown, RB, UConn
32. Pittsburgh - Alex Mack, C, California

you guys are in the cash cab!

If I ever found myself in the Cash Cab, and I had never seen the show, I think I'd have no choice but to run away from the tall man with the crazy grin and the flashing lights.

blanche de bruxelles, if that's what the kids are calling it

I want to get this posted before I forget, because this is important. Sort of.

There is a beer that, in this country, is called Blanche de Bruxelles. This is not the name of the beer. This is what they call the beer in a country where the liquor boards have no sense of humor.

If you clicked that link, you already know the punchline. If you didn't, don't. Trust me, it's good.

This beer -- a beer known in this country by a name so bland that it translates roughly to "D.C. White" -- is called, in Belgium and other civilized countries, Manneken Pis. Sound it out. And then compare with this photo of a fountain statue that is the Belgian answer to the Statue of Liberty, or so I heard more than once during my weekend in Brussels. Yes, it's named for a rather hilarious statue that's just down the street from my favorite waffle stand in Brussels and, if memory serves, kitty-cornered from a bar of the same name. Yeah, everyone wants to capitalize.

This came up when I met some new friends at the Flying Saucer tonight, a group that had migrated somewhat recently from Memphis. One of them ordered the Blanche de Bruxelles, leading to a brief discussion of how to pronounce Blanche de Bruxelles. I'm pretty confident that my suggestion (which I'm honestly not even sure how to transliterate) edged out the second-place "Blanch dee Brucksells," but I also pointed out that this is not even the real name of the beer. Even our waitress, with whom I had discussed the finer points of a few different imperial stouts earlier that evening, seemed a little incredulous.

But I am correct, and I want this documented.

mind = blown

So you're telling me that Elisabeth Hasselbeck from The View, wife of former NFL backup quarterback Tim Hasselbeck and sister-in-law of current NFL actual quarterback Matt Hasselbeck, is Elisabeth Filarski from Survivor: Australia?

I'm calling shenanigans.

husked

Nebraska's coaching staff just learned why you don't design a fake field goal around a no-look lateral.

Colorado's three first-half touchdowns have come on a 68-yard pass, a 36-yard run, and a 49-yard fumble return. Exciting.

kids these days

I think that decades from now, when I look back on my life, I will realize that the moment I became old was the moment I heard that Twilight was "a pop culture phenomenon" and thought "Huh, I never even heard of it before I saw the the commercials."

thanks for nothing, cnn

I just heard Lou Dobbs say that America is falling behind in the new space race because India is launching its first lunar mission, and it made me want to stop watching TV. But fortunately House is on in 15 minutes.